Feelings

I'm feeling so frustrated, annoyed and like a failure. Why? Because I weighed myself this morning and, ugh, I'm so ashamed to even type this, but I've gained back TWENTY of the 43 lbs. that I lost over the past year!

Why in the world did I let that happen? I knew when I stopped eating Nutrisystem that I was going to have problems, but I didn't think I would gain back that much so fast. The part that frustrates me the most though is that even though I KNOW and SEE how much I've gained, I can't stop eating the junk food. I told myself after I got off the scale this morning that I was going to eat healthier today, but the minute I went into the kitchen I reached for the junk. It's like I'm addicted to it. And it's not like I don't have the healthy foods in the house. I just went to the store last week so I have plenty. But it's like I don't even see those things.
I don't want to gain all the weight I've lost back, but if I don't nip this in the bud soon I know that is what is going to happen. I want to get that motivation back that I had last year at this time, but even digging down deep inside I just can't seem to find it. I'm hoping that posting on here will get some good motivational thoughts headed my way from all my friends and family. Believe me, I could use some right now.